One change in the front row with Mark "Dai"
Baldwin making a return alongside Rick "Swing" Lowe & Shannon "Sidestep"
Killarney, Bill "Gilbert" Burrows switching to No.8 with Roger "the
Dodger" Lazenby having unknowingly managed to break his foot at some point in
the last six months (no sense no feeling). With usual stunt skipper John Lonie
full of cold, we had the larger than strife pairing of the Gouldbourn sisters
Phil & Alistair in the boiler room, with Marcus "the Shark" Hope & Nick
"the Assassin" Levey on the flanks. Marcus taking on the role of captaincy for
the day (lots of potential there for next season!) & note how he won the
toss too.
The backs marshalled by those two Welsh pit
ponies Phil "the General" Evans & Gary "Smoking" Williams with Nick "the
Barrel" Palmer and Barry-John "Baz" Cole filling Fitz's slippers in the centres;
on the wings Phil "Horse" Watson maintaining that cunning look of a lost second
row stuck out of harms way on the wing and Lee "Lethal" Coates on the other. A
Vandal debut at fullback to former second team (before they all got young)
skipper and more latterly professional Dubai camel racer Sean
Byrne.
On the bench John "Beechams" Lonie, Ian "Nev"
Neville, our only real youngster at 25 Kevin "the Bolt" Coles and bringing up
the rear, the water, the first aid kit and the balls Captain Slow (yeah I know
I've done that line before).
For the record and being everso slightly anal
I had looked up last years side in advance and discovered that ten of us played
in the corresponding fixture last season.
With Marcus winning the toss he elected to
play away from the Clubhouse in the first half giving Kiddy the kick off who had
turned up with the usual hefty looking side both in the forwards but probably
not so wisely in the backs.
Officiating, a nice young fit ref in the
shape of Ian Armitage of Old Eds and someone who Fridge had broken during our
game against them last season.
In lieu of a proper warm up, unlike
Kidderminster, we opted to warm up in our own left hand corner, defending our
line for best part of ten minutes, with their number eight as he did last year
launching himself at us time after time in the first of four scrums, three of
which were on our line. However, on the fourth Rick with the help of his seven
dwarfs won his first of his three against the head and we were awarded a penalty
to clear our lines.
A clean take from the ensuing lineout saw the
ball crisply sail through the hands of Phil, Gary, Nick & Baz & Coatesy
popping up in support, to Horse and back inside to Coatesy who lit 'em up to
score under the posts. 5-0
Ah yes Captain Slow had forgotten to check
on a kicker in Ralph's enforced absence, Barry-John hastily gets the call and
jogs back up the pitch, just as the Kiddy players are reminding the referee that
we only have a minute, to nonchalantly drop goal it over for a
7-0 lead.
Kidderminster restart, great call by the
General, only to get clattered by Gilbert who obviously wasn't paying attention.
Scrum to Kidderminster.
Shortly after we are awarded a scrum of our
own around the halfway line from which in a pre-planned move Smoking (doing
things mercurial) sets off on a lateral double dummy, with Barrel & Baz
fixing their opposite numbers,the flat pass goes to Coatesy who skins his
opposite number to score under the posts again. Baz converts
14-0
Minutes later it's the forwards turn with a
maul just outside the Kidderminster twenty two saw a short pop out the back door
to Smoking standing in at scrum half (Phil off tending his flock somewhere) who
feeds Captain Marcus on the burst and he drops the shoulder & bounces the
Kiddy fly half in the process and gallops the twenty metres or so to score under
the posts (see he also leads by example). Simple conversion for Baz 21-0 and
Kidderminster are reeling by the three quick tries in
succession.
But it gets worse for Kidderminster as
straight from the restart the ball is caught & set and it's spun out cleanly
to Coatesy to ignite the afterburners from inside our half to dot down again
under the posts for his hat trick. Baz goes four for four to make it
28-0
Our next try is following a superb kick by
Smoking to set us up just inside the Kidderminster twenty two. Big Phil takes
great ball and the General spins it out, Smokes brings Barrel into
play thundering in on the scissors like a knife through I can't believe it's not
butter to score. 33-0 Conversion missed.
Shannon finds time to sneak in his now very
much trademark Killarney two step from virtually a standing start, it's
refreshing to see the big lads dabbling in the dark arts.
Moments later the General takes a quick
penalty as we continue to increase the tempo and feeds the Horse (groan) just
inside our half who in the process of handing off his winger literally lifts him
off the ground to score 38-0 Conversion just goes
wide.
Great possession again by our forwards sees
the ball spun through the hands to Coatesy who goes over for his fourth, must've
been under the posts as Baz converts 45-0
Half time 45-0 Isotonics all
round, just the one change Bill comes off for a short break, Lonie comes
coughing & spluttering into the second row and Ali G moves back a rank to
No.8.
We kick off and the second half starts at
much the same pace, Kiddy punt the ball into our twenty two and the Dubai
Express makes a clean catch and sees Baz in support who in turn passes to
Coatesy and the pair of them proceed to play catch at pace all the way up the
sideline with the final pass going to Coatsey who goes in under the posts, his
playmate Baz getting the consolation of a sixth conversion and we hit fifty
52-0.
The Kidderminster No.8 departs, also like
last year, seen off by Nick after having their own blindside duel for most of
the first half. Much to the delight
of the Kidderminster players Coatsey shows off his six pack and comes off for a
breather. On comes our proper "youngster" Kevin "the Bolt" Coles (check out the
steelwork just below his neck).
Next notable piece of play is a thirty metre
break between Ali G and Horse down the narrow side with some great timed
passing, which is unfortunate not to result in a try when it is knocked forward
with the line begging.
Not long after the restart we are awarded a
scrum and the General spins right and put puts Horse free who sees Baz in
support and Barry goes over for our ninth try of the afternoon. He converts his
own work 59-0. Horse decides to come off, only for Coatesy to
come back on, cue a collective groan from those in amber &
black.
And it's not long before he's in action again
as he brings it left, and the ball goes via Barrel & Baz out to
Kev thirty to forty metres out, but a great show & go fixes the Kiddy
fullback and Bolt sprints in at the corner and dots it under the posts. Baz
Converts 66-0
Finally Kidderminster are awarded a penalty
(one of only a few unlike the previous week) which they opt to get on the
scoreboard 66-3
Hard working Dai comes off, the frenetic pace
beginning to tell and Bill Burrows is back on at tighthead, Bill tells me he
played prop in his first game at Old Yards because he "was bendy, and no one
wanted to play there" how times change!
Then we see a cracking tackle by Barrel who
stays on his feet and strips the ball from the Kiddy player, he must've watched
those iRB clips I recommended last week.
Next up Coatesy breaks through the
Kidderminster defence (makes a change from going round them I guess) and Smoking
is in support to go over to cap a fine performance. 71-3
Baz now obviously bored
with taking conversions tries for something more spectacular and hits the post
with his first attempt.
You'd think he'd have had enough by now, but
the Barrel breaks the defensive line for Lethal to score a sixth.
76-3 Conversion missed (I think by Lee
himself)
Coatesy finally off for good, Slow onto the
wing. Our forwards once again march the ball up field and from a lineout we run,
a miss pass by Smoking straight to Bazza who sends a wide pass to Slow, who cuts
back in gets stopped five or six metres out, and we set again, recycle and the
ball is quickly spun right and Shark goes over for a well deserved second try in
the corner 81-3 Touchline conversion
missed.
Smoking comes off and Nev on for a quick
cameo, long enough to get a couple of passes in before the referee decides we've all had enough and blows a few
minutes early, good job as Lonie's lungs are now in his mouth and is totally
unable to communicate.
Final score a
staggering 81-3 Final age a respectable 653
do the math.
That was a fabulous game to watch, 13 tries
in all and probably the best 80 minutes under my tenure, several of our first
team players remarking that every time they looked up we were scoring. Kiddy can
count themselves very unfortunate that they caught us on one of those days
everything we tried came off, and am sure a warm welcome awaits us in the return
fixture in December!!
Apparently one of the Kidderminster
players paid us the compliment in the bar afterwards that we looked like a good
first team that had "come down together", which is probably true but not all for
the same Club, in fact possibly seven or eight first teams! Yards, Handsworth,
Solihull, Silhillians, Rugby St Andrews, Kynoch & Porthcawl (yes that would
be Dai then)
Man of the match this week for his six try
haul Coatesy and assists went to Barry John, though everyone to a man if not
scored assisted at some point in the game. Our wingers scored eight tries
between them but virtually all originated from a set play of one form or another
where those that seldom get mentioned do the unsung (and unseen) hard graft down
amongst the worms.
Next week contrary to what I said another
home game (thanks Tom) Birmingham Barbarians 2nds.
Slow.
Ps Lymington was in the national news today
for being so posh they have followed up their decision to refuse Argos planning
permission by doing the same to Weatherspoons!! Do they not know you can never
have enough pubs?!
New clubhouse furniture
Just amazing! This could really increase social and cultural functions that use our impressive facilities.
Logic suggests more functions = more revenue = more improvements = more interest in the club such as playing, spectating and socialising = more revenue etc etc. Are we ambitious? or are we still in the days of 3 points for a try?